Q. My husband ruined Thanksgiving for our kids when he asked for a divorce the night before, then moved out on Thanksgiving day. While his decision was shocking, I am working on accepting it and we agreed to find a mediator to work with in January. We figured out a parenting arrangement that works for the kids for now. Despite wanting them for all of Christmas, I did agree he could have the kids until 10 p.m. on Christmas Eve.

But instead of going to his sister’s which we have historically done, he took our children to his pregnant girlfriend’s home where they met her and her children, and learned they will have a new sibling in a few months. They came home distraught and angry.  None of them want to see him anytime soon – especially now that they realize he chose a different family over ours.

He is supposed to see them next on New Year’s Day and when I told him he needs to give them time, he told me I am alienating them, and he will take me to court for custody. Will the judge give me custody because of his poor choices?

A. Sounds like your husband has completely moved on and expects, with the snap of his fingers, your children will too. A judge will not give you custody because he has moved on to a new family – there are many factors a judge will consider, although his recent conduct will be considered.  Hire a lawyer ASAP and file a complaint for divorce seeking custody, support and a division of your assets.

To some extent the age of your children will dictate how this plays out. If they are teenagers and refuse to see him, their voices will be given more weight. If they are young, they will have very little say in the outcome but that does not mean he can force them into a new family on his timeline either.

Once you hire a lawyer, you should file a motion for the appointment of a Guardian Ad Litem to investigate what parenting plan is in your children’s best interest. The GAL will speak with your children and that is how their voice will be heard by the court. Meanwhile, ask him to agree to enroll the children in therapy.  They have had a shock which they need to process. If he does not agree, file another motion asking for temporary sole legal and physical custody citing his refusal to get them therapy as his inability to make decisions in their best interests right now.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com