Q. Our divorce agreement says that I get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day each year and my ex gets the first two nights of Hanukkah. My family lives in upstate New York. I wanted to move home after the divorce but as part of the compromise for staying here, I get to take the kids to New York each year for the winter school break so I can see my family over the holidays. No one anticipated Hanukkah starting on Christmas Day.

My ex insists that his two nights of Hanukkah trump my Christmas travel and says I can’t travel to New York this year. My mother has cancer and there is no guarantee she is still alive next year, so I don’t want to give up my trip.

I offered to come back earlier than usual to give him the last two nights of Hanukkah instead of the first two nights.  He is insisting on the first two despite my mom’s health.  He said if I go anyway, he will have me arrested in NY. Is he right?

A. While it is unfortunate no one looked ahead when the agreement was drafted to see if there was ever going to be a conflict between Christmas and Hanukkah, that does not mean his position is right. Since you have parenting time on Christmas Eve, he cannot prevent you from leaving for New York that day. He cannot have you arrested because the agreement gives you permission to travel. Worst case scenario, he might claim that you have kidnapped the children. So, bring an attested copy of your divorce judgment and separation agreement with you to New York just in case the police end up on your doorstep.

The more likely scenario is you will come home to a contempt summons. If that happens, you will need to go to court and answer for your decision. It seems to me, given the health of your mother and the fact that you negotiated for the right to take your children to New York every year for Christmas, you will not be found in contempt.  But, of course I am not the judge.  I would recommend you follow through on your offer and return in time for him to have the children for the last two nights of Hanukkah so you can at least tell the judge you tried a reasonable accommodation.

You should sit with a calendar and map out the next several years. If you see that Christmas and Hanukkah conflict again, you should file a complaint to modify holiday parenting time well in advance of the next controversy.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com