Lucas: 2024 election hands out lots of Halloween-level scares

Forget early voting.

Given the choice, they should hold the presidential election today — on Halloween — not next Tuesday.

At least people have a good time on Halloween trick or treating, dressing in costume, scaring others, and going to parties. So why not vote at the same time?

What could be more bewitching than that?

Joining the two, you could call the event presidential pumpkin politics or Smashing Pumpkins Day.

That way everybody could get a fright at the same time, no matter who you voted for, or who won. And there is a lot to be scared about.

In this case half the people in the country are going to be out of their gourd anyway no matter who wins.

The country is divided and from the looks of things it will remain divided no matter the next president.

It has been some campaign. The pair of presidential possibilities act as though they are at the end of an unhappy marriage.

Vice President Kamala Harris calls former President Donald Trump “unhinged” and a “fascist,” like Hitler, and Trump calls Harris “stupid” and “dumber than hell.”

If they were in the same house a neighbor would have called the cops already.

So, it is a good thing they are apart, even though both campaigned in Texas last Friday, Harris in Houston to be endorsed by Beyonce and Trump in Austin to do three hours with Joe Rogan.

But to the dismay of many Harris supporters, Beyonce did not, as advertised, sing.

Trump, meanwhile, could not stop “singing,” or slinging, during a three-hour interview with Rogan, or later at his massive Madison Square Garden rally.

Were the election on Halloween instead of Nov. 5 the pair of presidential candidates could have campaigned dressed in Halloween costumes.

It is just too bad that the powers that be could not get Trump, Harris and their running mates to attend a Halloween party. It could have been held in Salem, the center of all spooky Halloween activity.

Trump, to show that he admired American generals more than German ones, could have shown up dressed as famous World War II Gen. George S. Patton, complete with swagger stick and an ivory handled pistol at his side.

Like actor George C. Scott who played Patton in the classic WWII movie of the same name, Trump could have quoted Patton pointing at Germany with his swagger stick and shouting to his troops, “When we get to Berlin, I am personally going to shoot that paper hanging son of a bitch Hitler.”

That would have done much to negate the Hitler comparison Democrats have been throwing around.

The only danger is that someone might give Trump the idea and he will next be campaigning with a swagger stick in his hand.

And while we are at it, JD Vance, Trump’s bearded running mate, could come to the Halloween party dressed as David Portnoy of Barstool Sports fame.

Not to be outdone, Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, Harris’ bouncy running mate, could come dressed like Alan Hale, the grumpy Skipper of television’s “Gilligan’s Island.” He could even bring his shotgun, unloaded, of course.

That leaves Kamala Harris. She could have come to the Halloween party dressed as Joe Biden with the aviator sunglasses, or Donald Trump with the blue suit, white shirt, and red tie.

But she has repeatedly said she is not Joe Biden nor Donald Trump. So that’s ruled out.

She is not tall enough to come to the party dressed as Michelle Obama, and does not sing well enough to come dressed as Beyonce.

Perhaps she could come to the party dressed as herself.

But then nobody would know who she was.

Happy Halloween.

Peter Lucas is a veteran political reporter. Email him at: peter.lucas@bostonherald.com

Republican presidential nominee former President Donald Trump arrives for a roundtable at the Drexelbrook Catering & Event Center, Tuesday, Oct. 29, 2024, in Drexel Hill, Pa. (AP Photo/Julia Demaree Nikhinson)

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