Taylor Swift turns 34 today.

What to give the woman who has everything, except a history of stable relationships?

Would-be hubby Travis Kelce can jump out of her cake.

Taylor has a hold over the NFL not seen since Park Avenue was ready to go to the Supreme Court against Tom Brady.

After all, have you ever seen Swift on TV after the Chiefs make a bad play, lose, or allow the opposing team to score? We only see her cheering. That’s gotta be in the contract somewhere.

Perhaps Roger Goodell gifts the Kansas City Swifties a reversal on the Kadarius Toney offside call. The Commissioner is omnipotent. There is nothing to stop him from overturning the outcome of Kansas City’s loss to Buffalo and giving the Chiefs the victory.

Let them eat cake, right Roger?

Hey, 2 billion Swifties can’t be wrong.

It’s more probable than not Swift returns to Foxy Foxborough Sunday as the K.C. Swifties visit as 9.5-point favorites to face the mathematically eliminated New England Patriots.

But there will be no sellout crowd seated hours before Swift struts into the stadium via the player/VIP entrance.

Dads won’t be singing along with their daughters in the rain outside Gillette Stadium.

No lines will form in the parking lot days in advance for swag.

This time, TIME’s Person of the Year will be relegated to lounge-act stats. “Taylor and Brittany” appearing live in the visiting owner’s box Sunday at 1 p.m.

Not even the potential appearance of Swift could save this game from being relegated out of its original Monday night slot.

Who wants the first game in Gillette Stadium history featuring fans in the stands and the Patriots eliminated from the playoffs to air prime time?

Best this one be hidden early on the final Sunday afternoon before Christmas Eve.

Among her many talents, Swift was able to pinpoint the future of the Patriots in 2023 with time-travel accuracy back in 2015 via the lyrics of “Bad Blood.” The song was co-written with Kendrick Lamar.

‘Cause baby, now we got bad blood

You know it used to be mad love

So take a look what you’ve done

‘Cause baby, now we got bad blood (hey!)

Now we got problems

And I don’t think we can solve ’em

You made a really deep cut

And baby, now we got bad blood (hey!)

“Bad Blood” is not about a breakup with one of her many callous boyfriends.

Rather this song’s meaning is far more insidious, and cuts much closer to One Patriot Place than any of her other multiple hits.

Swift told GQ that “Bad Blood” is about “loss of friendship” and a “deep cut” allegedly concerning her career being undermined by someone she trusted. At the time, many speculated Swift was alluding to her fallout with Katy Perry.

Those two have long since made up. In much the same way Brady returned to Foxy-boro to kick off this season by ringing the lighthouse bell.

These days, it appears the bell has tolled for Bill Belichick. It’s not unreasonable to believe the reporting of Tom E. Curran, who told the NBC Sports Boston audience on Monday that the Hoodie was deemed kaput by Robert Kraft following the team’s 10-6 loss to the Colts in Germany.

Das Boot won’t come until after the season.

Likewise, Swift has not been able save the Chiefs from themselves. The team is 3-2 with Swift in attendance. Both Swift and the Swifties are riding a two-game losing streak. For those who concern themselves with such matters, the Chiefs are 2-3 against the spread with Taylor in the house. And Kansas City has averaged just 15.5 points in her past four appearances.

Leave it to the Patriots to screw things up for everyone in Foxy-boro pulling off the upset this week. No doubt that will circulate even more “Bad Blood” throughout the body of Patriots Nation.

Did you have to do this?

I was thinking that you could be trusted

Did you have to ruin

What was shining? Now it’s all rusted

Did you have to hit me

Where I’m weak? Baby, I couldn’t breathe

And rub it in so deep

Salt in the wound like you’re laughing right at me

Oh, it’s so sad to think about the good times

You and I

‘Cause baby, now we got bad blood

You know it used to be mad love

So take a look what you’ve done

‘Cause baby, now we got bad blood (hey!)

Maybe Taylor will greet those hearty souls and Chiefs fans who show up on Sunday with a re-mixed version of the “Bad Blood” video featuring Kraft, Belichick, and a chorus of a few million Patriots fans who no longer trust in Bill.

The love that once filled Foxy-boro and returned for Swift’s three shows this past May has long since evaporated. Swift’s emotional connection with her fans matches the feels New England had for the Patriots during their Score of Success.

Winning six Super Bowls in 19 years will do that.

Now, Our Father’s Patriots are back.

Patriots fans who no longer worship at the altar of the Patriot Way are forced into loyalty tests, or quizzed about how many times they went to Schaefer/Sullivan/Foxboro Stadium to watch Tony Eason or Hugh Millen play like Mac Jones.

Somehow, this brand of inept, tepid, flaccid, mistake-filled football and putting the future of the team in the hands of Bailey Zappe doesn’t move the needle. Neither do the grunts and mumbles of the head coach, who stuffs his ranks with DNA and cronies. And acts like a petulant child whenever he doesn’t get his way.

Shocking.

To paraphrase Ronald Reagan, “We didn’t leave the Patriots. The Patriots left us.”

The Patriots are mercifully on the 2024 draft clock.

So shake it off.

If only Swift had a song about that?

Bill Speros (@RealOBF and @BillSperos on X) can be reached at bsperos1@gmail.com.)