Nobody asked me but:

I’d have more confidence in new MSP Col. Geoffrey Noble if he hadn’t gone native and embraced the cone head look.

Is that his own personal homage to all the Canton cone heads – Michael Proctor, Brian Tully, Joseph Paul, Jailbird Chris Albert etc. – not to mention the drunkard sheriff of Hampden County, Nick Cocchi?

The latest illegal-alien sob story is that the ICE round-ups mean they can’t go to church.

This is quite the new phenomenon for all the gangbangers, fentanyl dealers, girlfriend-beaters, drunk drivers and pedophiles — going to church.

Kinda like all the thugs who get sent to prison and suddenly find Jesus, or Allah, or somebody and then invariably become role models for the younger jailbirds, or so they claim to the parole board.

I actually saw a photo in regime-controlled media this week of a foreign freeloader posing in front of a picture of Jesus – what malarkey, as Joe Biden would say.

Whenever you read about somebody’s final message before death, it’s always either “chilling” or “eerie.”

Is there anything sadder than a politician being described as a “perennial candidate?”

Curtis Sliwa, I’m talking to you.

If you’re a politician so corrupt that you’re called “embattled,” at least theoretically you’ll get a chance at trial to prove your innocence.

Just ask runaway sheriff Steve Tompkins.

Just don’t go to Maine for the weekend, Sheriff. It didn’t end well for another embattled top hat-wearing sheriff by the name of DiPaola.

When Democrats talk about saving “democracy,” what they really mean is saving “bureaucracy.”

Headline: “Kamala Harris Says System is ‘Broken.’”

Translation: I lost the last election, even though I had a billion dollars.

Headline: “Schiff Complains Democracy is Under Attack.”

Translation: That mortgage-fraud grand jury has got me cold.

A word that no longer means to readers what regime-controlled media think it does:

Experts, as in “experts say….”

The experts quoted by the press always have the same solutions: higher taxes and energy prices, mandatory lockdowns and racist policies across the board, among other insane suggestions, but never more freedom or real equality.

Another word that no longer has any real meaning: “restitution.”

When was the last time any of these thieves ever paid back even a dime of the money they stole?

Whatever happened to the Bartley-Fox gun law in Massachusetts?

Or the even older Sullivan Act in New York?

They were supposed to lock up thugs using illegal firearms, but somehow, the Democrats lost interest in jailing violent criminals – at least the ones from the protected classes.

Whenever I see one of those “No Kings” demonstrations with all the geriatric mask-wearing fugitives on walkers from assisted-living facilities, I remember what the late City Councilor Dapper O’Neil used to say whenever some old bats were railing against him:

“They oughta be home, prayin’ for a happy death.”

Gov. Gavin Newsom apparently never saw the old Brylcreem ad on TV:

“A little dab’ll do ya.”

Did you notice the deer-in-the-headlights look that Pamela Smith, DC’s DEI Metro police chief, got when a reporter asked her about the “chain of command” in her department?

Now that she’s been demoted by AG Pam Bondi, maybe “Chief” Smith will be able to figure out what a chain of command is.

Speaking of which, as bad as he is, is it possible that BPD Commissioner Michael Cox is the last male police chief of a major US city?

Sen. Bernie Sanders can’t stop yapping about the “working class,” but he has about as much hands-on experience with real jobs as Gov. J.B. Pritzker has with salad bars.

Is it Beto O’Rourke, or Beta?

Do you kiss your mother with that filthy mouth of yours, Beta, and when are you going to personally start trying to take away the AR-15’s and AK-47’s of real Texans who in fact own them?

Of Market Basket boss Arthur T. DeMoulas’ three sisters, Frances is 75, Glorianne is 73 and Caren is 66.

Even as Artie T. was paying down the $1.5-billion loan he used to buy out the other side of the family, each of the Golden Girls was reportedly getting $40 million a year in dividends, for doing nothing.

Why kill the golden goose, Golden Girls, especially when you’re on the back nine?

Instead, they’re behaving like the three witches in Macbeth, stirring the pot.

“Double, double toil and trouble/Fire burn, and cauldron bubble/Fair is foul, and foul is fair.”

Winning: Far-left PBS is cutting their budget 20%, as the $500 million cuts are having a “negative rippling effect” on their agitprop distribution.

Wait, didn’t these tax-funded hyenas tell us for decades that they only got 1% or 8% of their budget from the filthy taxpayers in pickup trucks with MAGA hats that they despise so much?

That “negative rippling effect” on NPR is giving me a positive chuckling effect.

Suggestion for the state Republican party: introduce a bill to make Harvard pay its “fair share,” say, an annual 2% wealth tax on their $53-billion endowment, you know, for the children, the infrastructure, the investments in the future blah-blah-blah….

Isn’t 2% the same number that the fake Indian and Bernie wanted to assess on Americans who, unlike themselves, work for a living?

On the top of the Sagamore Bridge, there’s a sign that says it was built in 1933-34 – two years.

How long do you think it will take to construct the replacement Sagamore Bridge?

Anyone who believes the hacks’ eight-year estimate obviously doesn’t remember the Big Dig, and compared to Maura Healey’s box-checking blow-in crew, the Big Dig was managed by engineering geniuses.

Who could have ever predicted that New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell would be indicted before NY Attorney General Leticia James?