Is High Sheriff Steve Tompkins ready for his close-up today?

It is once again time for that ancient tradition among local politicians and cops – the perp walk down Northern Avenue, before or after the thieving perp makes his appearance in federal court on whatever corruption charges they were lugged on.

In Massachusetts, the perp walk only occurs outside the federal courthouse, because another tradition in the Commonwealth is that the local prosecutors will never, ever, under any circumstances arrest any Democrat politicians, which is the only kind we have here.

It’s just professional courtesy. Am I right, Attorney General Andrea Joy Campbell?

Tompkins must present himself by 10 a.m. Friday to pre-trial services. We’ll be ready, just like the camera crews arrive early for the annual pre-Oscar red carpet shows, or in the old days, for celebrity arrivals when new Broadway shows opened in New York.

Before Tompkins’ debut, let us consider the different styles that the perps employ for their traditional launchings in the criminal-justice system.

Sheriff Tompkins could embrace the pomp and circumstance of his office, and wear the top hat that he used to wear to the Harvard commencement every year. Probably makes him sad now, though, to realize that he’ll never be wearing it again.

I’d also suggest Tompkins not wear the traditional badge. James DiPaola, the High Sheriff of Middlesex, who also got to don that top hat every spring, loved his badge, often wore it with the top hat. In 2010 DiPaola drove to Maine and shot himself in the head.

Corruption – it’s an occupational hazard of Massachusetts sheriffs.

Please, Sheriff, do not try to cover your head. Never, ever works. Look at BPD Officer Ronald Nelson, busted for OT fraud in 2020. Charges against him were eventually dismissed, but only after he died.

Maybe you should wear some gear from a local pro team – like BPD Officer Gerard O’Brien did, not that it did him any good. He was convicted anyway, while Officer Henry Doherty, behind him, in nondescript clothes, beat the rap on OT fraud.

After Chappaquiddick, Sen. Ted Kennedy showed up at state court (back in those long-ago days when even Democrat politicians could be arrested in Massachusetts) wearing a neck brace. He was widely mocked.

In 2016, BPD Officer Brian Smigielski went with a different look when he was lugged for obstructing an FBI gang investigation. Not sure if that’s a bulletproof vest or a corset, but whatever it was, it worked – Smigs got probation after pleading guilty.

Personally, I believe that if your lawyer is wearing a tie, you should be too. Obviously, Rep. Chris “Flim Flam” Flanagan, D-Dennis Port, did not take my sage sartorial counsel last year when he did The Walk. It also didn’t help that his K-Mart shirt was two sizes too small.

The slob look just doesn’t work. Look at thieving ex-trooper felon Gary Cederquist – made $331,000 his last year on the job, and he still looks like a refugee from Mass & Cass. Ditto his co-conspirator Joel Rogers. Did they sleep in those hobo outfits?

Another tip: don’t mug for the camera. Remember Dana Pullman, the crooked boss of SPAM, the state troopers’ union? Currently awaiting resentencing, his kiss in the mail suspended, and we wouldn’t be running this photo again if it wasn’t so… memorable.

Don’t even crack a smile. That’s what “Honest” John McGonigle, the high sheriff of Middlesex, like you an appointee of a failed Democrat governor, did after he was lugged for multiple felonies including shakedowns, kickbacks, and income tax evasion.

Just another Massachusetts high sheriff with a top hat….

There is one way a sheriff can do a perp walk outside the federal courthouse in a non-shameful way. This is Brad Bailey, yet another former high sheriff of Middlesex. But he was a Republican, so he wasn’t re-elected, and he had to lose the top hat and become a lawyer again. Here he is leaving the courthouse with his client, yet another crooked state cop, Daren DeJong.

DeJong embezzled $14,062 in federal funds, and got six months “home detention.”

Sheriff Tompkins, you should be so lucky!

But now, the curtain’s going up. As we say in show biz, Sheriff, “Break a leg!”

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Former Middlesex County Sheriff John McGonigle pleaded guilty in 1995 to federal racketeering and income tax evasion. The FBI hauled him into court. (Courtesy of Howie Carr)

Dana Pullman, once head of the State Police union, did time, too. (Matt Stone/Boston Herald)
Ex-Boston cops Gerard O’Brien followed by Henry Doherty after facing federal charges. (Nancy Lane/Boston Herald)
Now-indicted Suffolk Sheriff Steven Tompkins is due in court today. (Matt Stone/Boston Herald)
Former Boston Police Detective Brian Smigielski pleaded guilty in federal court to impeding a gang probe. (Stuart Cahill/Boston Herald)