OBF: These Patriots among worst 5 units
Bill Belichick is having the worst year of his life – at least an NFL head coach.
Once revered like Paul Revere, the irascible Hoodie has morphed into a crotchety Bond villain.
Move over “Goldfinger.” Meet “Middle Finger.”
We can’t take full credit for that one. Belichick apologist Mike Florio posted on X during the Patriots game on Sunday that continued presence of Mac Jones could be Belichick delivering “a middle finger both to Jones and to ownership.”
The House of Belichick has fallen. Largely due to the terrible play of Jones. Now Belichick State Run Media is in full “CYA Legacy” mode.
We’re being asked to believe that Jones was the only grocery item Belichick did not purchase since Y2K. Thus, this fanciful narrative that Robert and Jonathan Kraft walked into the Patriots War Room on Draft Night in 2021 and told Belichick that either his brains, or Jones’ name, will be on the Patriots pick sheet.
This biggest of Big Lies underpins the historic nature of this Patriots season. A catastrophic breakdown on and off the field pushes this Patriots squad into the pantheon of past Patriots Futility.
These are your father’s Patriots.
Is this the worst Patriots team of all time? Not yet. They could well blow it all apart and go 3-3 down the stretch. More not than probable. But that would prevent Belichick from tying the NFL record of 165 regular-season losses. He has 161.
The 2023 Patriots have worked themselves into our Top 5 Worst Patriots teams of all time.
That is quite an achievement considering the competition.
Fasten your seatbelts and make sure tray-tables are in the upright position. It’s going to be a turbulent six weeks.
The countdown:
No. 5
1992
Record: 2-14
Buzz: Tickets were cheap and plentiful. The Patriots were on their third owner in five seasons. Worst-Owner-Ever Victor Kiam had sold the team to James Orthwein in the offseason. A merciful improvement. But with the arrival of Orthwein came a nonstop stream of rumors about the team moving to St. Louis, given his ties to the Busch Family. The lovable Dick MacPherson embodied the ideal that nice guys finish 5th in the AFC East. Four different starting QBs were used: Hugh Millen; Scott Zolak; Tom Hodson; and Jeff Carlson. (Jeff Carlson?) Only Zolak would win under center. The offense did not score a rushing TD until week 11. MacPherson and his staff were fired after the season. Orthwein hired Bill Parcells, who would draft Drew Bledsoe No. 1 overall in 1993. The corner was turned.
No. 4
1970
Record: 2-12
Buzz: The Boston Patriots began their first NFL season with a 27-14 win at Harvard Stadium over the Miami Dolphins on Sept. 20. Things rolled downhill – more or less – until “Varitek split the uprights” some 11,459 days later. The worst-record-in-the-new-NFL Patriots saw coach Clive Rush quit after a 1-6 start due to a heart condition. His replacement John Mazur also went 1-6. Billy Sullivan signed free-agent QB Joe Kapp in October after Kapp had led the Vikings to Super Bowl IV. Kapp lost 9 of 10 starts. Boston’s 149 points remain the fewest by any team in franchise history that played a full season. The New England Patriots debuted in Foxboro the following season. New England would take Jim Plunkett with the No. 1 overall pick in the 1971 draft.
No. 3
2023
Record: 2-9
Buzz: The 2023 Patriots brought back the dysfunction that defined this franchise throughout its first four decades. Acrimony between ownership and coach. A revolving door at quarterback. (18 QB transactions and counting as of Monday). Crushing turnovers. Excruciating games. This comes following a Score of Success that made the Patriots the superlative organization in all North American sports. Mac Jones combines the worst characteristics of Tony Eason, Matt Cavanaugh, and Millen. Without Brady to bail him out each week, the “genius” of Bill Belichick has proven to be no more effective than the guise of Chuck Fairbanks. Belichick, like Fairbanks, appears poised for a similarly acrimonious exit. These Patriots are on track to reach multiple markers in offensive incompetence not seen since the arrival of Bledsoe 30 years ago.
No. 2
1981
Record: 2-14
Buzz: Patriots antagonism at its worst. So many close losses. The Patriots edged out the Colts for the first pick in the 1982 NFL draft in the season finale. In a game dubbed – among other things – “The Toilet Bowl,” the Patriots lost 23-21 at Baltimore’s Memorial Stadium. The next day’s Boston Herald greeted readers with “We’re No. 28” and photos of 28 individual index fingers across the page. (The NFL had just 28 teams at the time.) The Patriots chose Texas DE Kenneth Sims with that No. 1 overall pick in 1982. Unquestionably the worst first-round pick in team history, Sims ranks among the biggest NFL No. 1 busts of all time. The oft-injured Sims played just one full season and finished with 17 sacks in 74 career games. His career with the Patriots would end 16 days after he was arrested for cocaine possession in 1990.
No. 1
1990
Record: 1-15
Buzz: Lisa Olson. Victor Kiam. Sexual harassment. “Patriot Missile” jokes. That would be enough for most franchises. Not this one. The 1990 Patriots are the only team in franchise history with just one victory. They lost their final 14 games and were outscored 446-181, the worst NFL point differential of the 1990s. 11.3 PPG remains the lowest in Patriots history over a 16-game season. The unflappable Rod Rust was constantly undercut by ownership and would be fired 4 days after the season ended. “Patriots Have Rust Problem” remains seared into our minds 33 years later. The venerable but broken Steve Grogan (1-3) recorded this team’s lone win in Week 2. QBs Marc Wilson and Hodson accounted for the other 12 defeats.
Bill Speros (@RealOBF & @BillSperos on X) can be reached at bsperos1@gmail.com.