Q. I was recently married. My husband’s parents were divorced two years ago, and they are in the middle of trying to figure out how to handle the holidays. His mother wants us to spend Thanksgiving with her and his father says he will go with us anywhere, just not to his ex-wife’s home. My parents have been divorced for 10 years, but prior to that they were each married to someone else, so I have three half siblings. We settled into celebrating holidays together — my parents get along and that makes it easy. However, now that everyone is married with kids and responsibilities to other in-laws, and I have prickly in-laws, I’m having trouble with logistics. Everyone wants me to be with them and I’m frustrated beyond belief. What is good ex-etiquette?

A.  I try to remind everyone that “the holidays” are not necessarily just one day, but an entire holiday season. Between mid-November and Jan. 1, there are quite a few days to celebrate with loved ones. It doesn’t necessarily have to be on THE designated day. You’re looking for the family feeling of celebrating together. Who said that the only day everyone can create that feeling is on the fourth Thursday in November?

The key to having successful holiday get-togethers after a breakup is to be flexible and compromise whenever possible (good ex-etiquette rule No. 10). Modifying, rather than abandoning old traditions, can certainly help.

I have another suggestion to consider. The week between Christmas and New Year’s is often a “down week.” Kids are out of school and work schedules are usually not as strict. If you are looking at it as a season and not the day, that might be a good time to establish a new bonus family tradition. Think outside of the box. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Bonus Families, bonusfamilies.com. /Tribune News Service