DEAR ABBY: My sister has been having an affair with a married man. When I asked if he was going to leave his wife, she said no, and it was fine with her. She claims his wife is fat and that they have a son with severe disabilities, and she (my sister) wouldn’t want the responsibility of that, even though I’m sure the boy would stay with his mother.

She refers to him as her “honey,” and he buys her things. (She has always been materialistic.) She stays in contact with him constantly on her iPad and says how much he loves her.

I would want to be open and have everyone get to know about my honey instead of sneaking around. When I say I don’t believe he loves her, she gets mad and accuses me of being jealous. I also told her that if I loved someone, I’d want to be with him and not communicate via email. Gifts wouldn’t make up for the person not being with me, especially if I claimed to love him.

I was in a relationship with a married man once, but I wasn’t happy about it and ended it. Am I off base because I feel the way I do? — SNEAKING AROUND IN MAINE

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DEAR SNEAKING: You’re not off base. But you’re also not your sister. The two of you appear to have very different values. While you want a full relationship, the “crumbs” and goodies she’s getting from her honey may be enough for her, and she may regard their stolen moments as exciting. If she were hoping for more than the status quo, I would say she’s wasting her time. But she seems to know the score.

This entry is from the Dear Abby archives from 2018