Q: My son’s father and I actually get along pretty well. When our son cut his last class at school and was caught skateboarding at the park, I told him I was calling his dad. He begged me not to, but I called anyway and let his father yell at him on the spot. It definitely got his attention. Wasn’t that good ex-etiquette?

A: You reached out for help and that’s the second rule of Good Ex-etiquette for Parents: “Ask for help if you need it.”

But here’s the part most parents in your position miss — when you hand discipline over to the other parent, you quietly give away your own parenting authority.

Over time, this creates a dangerous habit. Your child learns that consequences don’t really exist until the other parent, the disciplinarian, gets involved. And that means your voice starts to matter less. As a result, when you hear, “Please don’t tell Dad (or Mom),” you are faced with a dilemma that tugs at your heart strings. “My child trusts me to keep him safe,” and you inwardly debate if you should tell the other parent.

You should never hide things from your co-parent to protect your child from accountability.

Of course, anticipating problems and coming to an agreement before the child needs discipline is the ideal approach. But at times, time is of the essence, and you can’t wait until “Dad or Mom gets home” because Dad or Mom doesn’t live there. That’s when parents who truly co-parent anticipate the problem, agree to the proper response and stick to that agreement when faced with the need to discipline.

Later, after emotions settle, make sure you inform the other parent, so you both stay aware of patterns and concerns. That’s responsible communication.

When your child knows that each parent is steady, capable and confident on their own, they stop shopping for reactions. And they start understanding that responsibility follows them wherever they go because the adults in their life are in full agreement and mean what they say. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is a child custody mediator and the author of “The Bonus Family Handbook.”/ Tribune News Service