I was three holes away from what would be a personal best score on a true championship course when my playing partner – a top pro – looked at me as I approached a long fairway shot (the shot I have most confidence in).

Swoosh! The perfect practice swing. But as I readied myself for the real thing, my partner held up his hand and said, “Hold on a second. See how you’re angling the club like that? I think you should change that.” He reached out and moved my club a bit. “Like this.”

You know what happened next, and it wasn’t an amazing breakthrough from a pro tip. I melted down. I’ve recovered since, but I now have a silly, stubborn and nagging doubt about that shot – the very one I’m usually most confident of.

I’m not saying the pro was wrong; he absolutely knows way more about golf swings than I do. But I am saying this: That experience reminded me that everyone can forget the basic rules of good friendship/playing etiquette on a golf course.

I strive to be a good playing partner. That’s meant having to really focus not just on the logistics (rules, managing a shared cart; scorekeeping) but also on the intangibles. Because setting and maintaining the right vibe while out playing might just be the most important tool in your virtual golf bag.

Here are some of the ways I try (Try! We all have our moments in this challenging sport) to be a good playing partner.

Leave your anger, nerves and stress in the car. Or better yet, don’t bring them at all. Playing with the partner who curses shots, stomps away from a three-putt or just plain emotes miserable just plain isn’t fun. It can pull your game down too. For me, it was being too nervous and rushing because of it. When I realized my stress and worry about being a lesser player with better players was bringing those better players down, I focused on changing that. I’m pretty sure my golf friends appreciate it.

As I said to one partner who was in a major mood about what he saw as his poor play that day, “If you cannot enjoy it out here on your worst day, maybe don’t come out here.” I try to live that motto.

Talk through the playing rules that day before you tee off. Do your friends want to do gimmes for short putts or putt them out? Do they believe in a “breakfast ball?” Will there be any mulligans taken and if yes, in what instance? Are you going to keep score? Pin in or pin out? Those questions can help you seamlessly adapt your play plan that day to the group’s desires (and yours of course). Take the time to know the vibe.

Don’t be a round hog: It starts with the cart. Sure, you like to have your phone, backup balls, your purse or bag, some snacks and a range finder easy to access, but remember: there are two of you in the cart. Stay out of your fellow rider’s dance space. And if you’re not in the driver’s seat, let your partner know you’re happy to drive when they need to walk to a ball – and offer, regularly, to be the one to take the cart around to the back of the green.

Beyond the cart, limit your time looking for a lost ball. Unless you are one stroke back from winning the club championship, after a minute or so of looking, it’s time to take your medicine, drop and move on. Same goes with lining up a putt and considering other shots. Take the time to make the right choice, but pay attention to your pace of play. Too slow can actually bring down the play of your partner. (But not too fast either. It’s a learning curve).

Be a caddy: Do the things a caddy would do for your fellow players. Watch as they hit and track their ball; it can not only save time and make your partner feel cared for, it can actually help them play better (head down!). If you know a course or a certain hole’s strategy, share it. Sure, you want to win, but good players share their secret ways to conquer those tough holes. And if you see a player forgot a certain club they need and you are near it, bring it to them. Fix a mark on the green if you are ahead of the person who hit that ball. Everyone plays better with a caddy along.

Don’t teach unless you are asked. Back to the start: That pro meant well and had a ton of great information for me, but I was out there that day to just play. For pros and everyday folks like us, even if you see someone doing something in a way that makes no sense to you, keep it to yourself unless asked. And even when asked, I might say “let’s talk about that on the practice range after we finish.” Multiply this by infinity if you’re playing with a significant other.

Good gold partners are priceless. I’m working at being one, one deep breath to scare the nerves away at a time.