The Patriots turn 65 on Nov. 16.

The Boston-Then-New England-Now Patriots will be Medicare eligible by Thanksgiving.

That’s about the same time the 2024 Patriots are projected to be eliminated from winning the AFC East.

The 8th franchise of the American Football League came into the world on that day in 1959 thanks to Billy Sullivan and his partners.

Age is just a number, so we’re told.

At 65, the Patriots are poised to continue their “Benjamin Button” trajectory, not chronologically, but in terms of relevance, importance, and prowess.

These aren’t your father’s Patriots.

They are your grandfather’s Patriots, minus the home games at Fenway Park and Alumni Stadium. As excruciating to endure as Labor Day traffic on the Bourne Bridge.

And this time around, we don’t even get Pat Patriot.

Jacoby Brissett may or may not be the Patriots Week 1 2024 starting quarterback.

Given the team’s paper-thin dysfunctional offensive line, Drake Maye should be placed in gluten-free bubble wrap until further notice.

All signs point to 2024 being the Bridge Year No. 5 of the post-Tom Brady Era.

Charles Stuart didn’t have it this bad during his final one-way trip across the Tobin.

Head coach Jerod Mayo and offensive coordinator Alex Van Pelt have euthanized expectations on that side of the ball since Day 1 of minicamp

Much like Lucy Van Pelt of “Peanuts” fame, Alex Van Pelt snatched the football away from QB and Savior In Waiting Maye long before the Carolina Kid had a chance to make a run at the starting job. Still, despite minimal chances, neglect from his coaches, and no one who can catch the ball, Maye enters the season as the best quarterback in town.

Linus Van Pelt had his blanket.

Alex Van Pelt has his depth chart.

Both are held with child-like wistfulness, as if they somehow can ward off whatever ills may befall both.

Prepare yourselves for “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Offense” premiering on Sept. 8 at Cincinnati.

Otherwise-all-around-nice guy Brissett wasn’t good enough to be the starter EIGHT YEARS AGO when Brady was serving his Deflatagate suspension. That job went to Jimmy Garoppolo before Gillette’s resident Adonis was clipped by a shoulder injury in Week 2.

Much like radioactive waste, cockroaches, and Twinkies, Brissett has incredible staying power. Somehow, he remained the man throughout the preseason. His barely able but stable hand at QB gave the Patriots new coaching regime, and by default Robert Kraft, an excuse not to burn all that cash Mayo flaunted early in the offseason.

The porous and pathetic Patriots offensive line, which cannot stand in a straight line, was built with $50 million in cap space to spare.

Kraft’s 31st season of ownership could well be his most challenging. You might not be able to “take it with you” when it comes to all those billions, but Kraft will definitely hold on to it for as long as he can.

This time, he doesn’t have Bill Belichick to kick around. Or blame when the roster is bereft of big-name playmakers.

Since Kraft bought the team, he’s had either Bill Parcells, Drew Bledsoe, Brady and/or Belichick upon whom to rely for buzz and prosperity.

Kraft’s most pernicious spending habits were masqueraded by having a head coach who led the New York Giants to Super Bowl success in the 1980s.

Or a former No. 1-draft pick at QB who played up to his billing and more during his 10-plus season as the Patriots’ starter.

Or a former No. 199-draft pick at QB who set nearly every passing record of relevance and enjoyed unparalleled Super Bowl success at his position.

Or a former head coach who is arguably the best in NFL history.

This time, for the first time, it’s just Robert Kraft, Jonathan Kraft, and outtakes from “The Dynasty.”

Dust has long since enveloped the closets full of swag, those “3 Games To Glory” DVDs, and your faded Super Bowl XLIX Champion hats.

All that remains are bragging rights about the Brady-Belichick Patriots until the last of the early “Gen Z” crowd passes on into the great beyond.

The Patriots defined NFL greatness on Kraft’s watch.

During Kraft’s 3 decades of ownership, the team won 353 games (including the postseason). During Kraft’s reign, Patriots home playoff games became a rite of passage into each New Year. In 34 seasons Before Kraft (BK), New England played host to just one home playoff game. A clown-car loss to the Houston Oilers in 1978.

Since Kraft bought the team, they’ve had 27.

The “Score of Success” that began in the snow of Sullivan/Foxboro/Schaefer Stadium and ended with Brady’s departure to Tampa Bay has now joined the Roman Empire, Napoleonic France, and the Belgium Congo wafting down on the ash heap of history.

The Patriots have not won a playoff game in 2,037 days.

That’s the team’s longest stretch without a postseason victory since the “Loserville” days extending from that AFC Championship Game at Miami’s Orange Bowl on Jan. 12, 1986, to their 28-3 AFC Divisional Round playoff win over Pittsburgh on Jan. 5, 1997.

Oddmakers project the Patriots to be the worst team in the NFL this season. New England is an underdog in all 17 games heading into Week 1. The Patriots are the favorites at +270 to have the worst record in the NFL. Their projected win total is an NFL-low 4.5 games. And Bernie Sanders has better odds to win the presidency (+20000) than the Patriots have to win the Super Bowl (+30000).

What’s old is new again with the Patriots.

Even though they’re turning 65.

Bill Speros (@RealOBF and @BillSperos on X) can be reached at bsperos1@gmail.com.)