MINNESOTA VIKINGS

“Sam I Am, Not”

QB Darnold? Alas!
Purple struggles to pass
Get ready to drop misconceptions
Vikings won’t be OK
Unless brilliant JJ
Can manage 200 receptions

Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Justin Jefferson (18) smiles after a NFL football preseason game against the Las Vegas Raiders at U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis on Saturday, Aug., 10 2024. The Vikings beat the Raiders, 24-23 on a last second Vikings place kicker Will Reichard (46) 38 yard-field goal. (John Autey / Pioneer Press)

GREEN BAY PACKERS

“You Can’t Hurry Love”

The Pack thinks they see
The league’s next MVP
After Jordan closed year with a flurry
But now North is so tough
Green Bay’s path will be rough
Their bravado soon turning to worry

Jordan Love #10 of the Green Bay Packers looks to pass during the first quarter against the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC Divisional Playoffs at Levi’s Stadium on Jan. 20, 2024 in Santa Clara, California. (Photo by Lachlan Cunningham/Getty Images)

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

“They Call Me MISTER Swift!”

Taylor’s big beau
A perennial all-pro
Has been silent on marriage forecasting
But no doubt, his big thrill
Banking one hundred mill
By doing some half-assed podcasting

Travis Kelce #87 of the Kansas City Chiefs kisses Taylor Swift after defeating the San Francisco 49ers 25-22 in overtime during Super Bowl LVIII at Allegiant Stadium on Feb. 11, 2024 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

NEW YORK JETS

“Immunity on the Bounty”

Jets’ bragging grows bolder
As Rodgers gets older
They’re planning on Super Bowl action
T’will hardly be shocking
If New York’s lame blocking
Means QB will end up in traction

New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers during the second half of a preseason NFL football game against the Carolina Panthers, Saturday, Aug. 17, 2024, in Charlotte, N.C. (AP Photo/Mike Stewart)

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

“Killed Bill”

With Belichick thrown overboard
New England’s collapse will be quick
The Patriots’ only reward
A guaranteed No. 1 pick

New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick looks on in the second half during a game against the New York Jets at Gillette Stadium on Jan. 07, 2024 in Foxborough, Massachusetts. (Photo by Winslow Townson/Getty Images)

ATLANTA FALCONS

“Captain Kirk”

To Georgia, here comes Mr. Cousins
Who has Dirty Birds fans a-buzzin’
‘Cause despite past derision
In soft South division
They could rack up wins by the dozen

Kirk Cousins #18 of the Atlanta Falcons passes during NFL training camp at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on Aug. 2, 2024 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Todd Kirkland/Getty Images)

CHICAGO BEARS

“Where there’s a Williams, There’s a Way?”

They’re very thin-skinned
In the City of Wind
Where all seasons bring deep disappointment
Getting drunk on the hype
All Bears dreams, mostly pipe
We can clearly see flies in the ointment

Caleb Williams #18 of the Chicago Bears warms up before a preseason game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Soldier Field on Aug. 17, 2024 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Quinn Harris/Getty Images)

HOUSTON TEXANS

“Can You Diggs It?”

Remember the Vikes’ malcontent?
He’s whined his way off of the Bills
It won’t take him too long to vent
When new mates provide all of the thrills

Stefon Diggs #1 of the Houston Texans looks on prior to the 2024 Pro Football Hall of Fame Game against the Chicago Bears at Tom Benson Hall Of Fame Stadium on Aug. 01, 2024 in Canton, Ohio. (Photo by Nick Cammett/Getty Images)

DETROIT LIONS

“The Gambler”

On the cusp of their goal
Lions’ first Super Bowl
Their colorful coach pulled a blooper
With Campbell making calls
Detroit again falls
Into usual wintertime stupor

Detroit Lions head coach Dan Campbell speaks at a news conference after the NFC Championship NFL football game against the San Francisco 49ers in Santa Clara, Calif., Sunday, Jan. 28, 2024. (AP Photo/Jed Jacobsohn)

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

“Santa Clara or Bust”

The Niners have championship feel
While their old San Fran home is a pity
The franchise’s most brilliant deal?
Moving 45 miles from city

Brandon Aiyuk #11 of the San Francisco 49ers catches a pass that was tipped by Kindle Vildor #29 of the Detroit Lions during the third quarter in the NFC Championship Game at Levi’s Stadium on Jan. 28, 2024 in Santa Clara, California. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

BUFFALO BILLS

“Sean of the Dead”

Every season, the Bills face backlash
For their usual postseason crash
Once they lag in division
They will make wise decision:
Performing a coach’s excision

Head coach Sean McDermott of the Buffalo Bills looks on from the sidelines against the Cincinnati Bengals during the second quarter in the AFC Divisional Playoff game at Highmark Stadium on Jan. 22, 2023 in Orchard Park, New York. (Photo by Bryan M. Bennett/Getty Images)

DALLAS COWBOYS

“Operator Error”

This won’t be the last one for Jerry
Despite Jones’ faux pas ever clearer
True Pokes fans will never be merry
‘Til owner is in rear-view mirror

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones walks the field before the game against the Washington Commanders at FedExField on Jan. 07, 2024 in Landover, Maryland. (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)

MIAMI DOLPHINS

“Tale of Tua City”

Despite all the critical dissing
This quarterback’s breaking the bank
But with all Fins’ defensive stars missing
Miami continues to tank

Miami Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa (1) is sacked by Cincinnati Bengals’ Josh Tupou (68) during the first half of an NFL football game, Thursday, Sept. 29, 2022, in Cincinnati. (AP Photo/Joshua A. Bickel)

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

“Goal to Go?”

Hurts plunging up middle, they say
Is football’s most maddening play
Without Kelce, that tush
Will be harder to push
Instead, give to Barkley? They may

Jalen Hurts #1 of the Philadelphia Eagles rushes for a touchdown during the third quarter against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Raymond James Stadium on Sept. 25, 2023 in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Mike Carlson/Getty Images)

CAROLINA PANTHERS

“Last and Last Again”

All could be finer
In poor Carolina
The NFL’s worst two years straight
Cats won’t have much to cheer
Seeing Young on his rear
‘Nother high pick is their fate

Bryce Young #9 of the Carolina Panthers is tackled by Shaquil Barrett #7 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers during the first half of the game at Bank of America Stadium on Jan. 07, 2024 in Charlotte, North Carolina. (Photo by Jared C. Tilton/Getty Images)

CINCINNATI BENGALS

“Cheap is as Cheap Does”

From Burrow to Higgins to Chase
The tiger-striped roster is nifty
But they’ll never win Super Bowl race
When all they lead league in is “thrifty”

Ja’Marr Chase #1 of the Cincinnati Bengals and AFC reacts during the 2024 NFL Pro Bowl Games at Camping World Stadium on Feb. 04, 2024 in Orlando, Florida. (Photo by Megan Briggs/Getty Images)

WASHINGTON COMMANDERS

“The Thin Man”

The Heisman dude hits the ground running
HIs quarterback talents are stunning
But Daniels won’t be great
If injury’s his fate
Since he weighs about one thirty eight

Jayden Daniels #5 of the Washington Commanders warms up prior to the preseason game against the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium on Aug. 10, 2024 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)

PITTSBURGH STEELERS

“Danger, Russ”

It’s kind of a pity
In the old Steel City
That Wilson has washed up ashore
But with Fields on bench
If there’s offensive stench
In three weeks they’ll show Russell the door

Russell Wilson #3 of the Pittsburgh Steelers throws an incomplete pass as he is taken to the ground by Greg Rousseau #50 of the Buffalo Bills in the first quarter during the preseason game at Acrisure Stadium on Aug. 17, 2024 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Justin Berl/Getty Images)

BALTIMORE RAVENS

“King Henry’s New Court”

So often, the QB star Jackson
Has hogged Baltimore’s goal-line action
But this year they’ll be quick
Just hand ball to Derrick
It could be their Super Bowl schtick

Lamar Jackson #8 of the Baltimore Ravens hands the ball off to Derrick Henry #22 during training camp at Under Armour Performance Center Baltimore Ravens on Aug. 12, 2024 in Owings Mills, Maryland. (Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images)

DENVER BRONCOS

“Payton’s Place”

Coach used one of vital draft picks
To settle on passer named Nix
While they’re still mile high
Denver’s horses can’t fly
Still a few years away from a fix

Head coach Sean Payton of the Denver Broncos is interviewed between halves during the preseason game against the Green Bay Packers at Empower Field At Mile High on Aug. 18, 2024 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Tyler Schank/Getty Images)

NEW YORK GIANTS

“The Nabers Hood”

Big Blue pinned draft hopes on Malik
HIs LSU talents unique
But the air, filled with moans
As the fans destroy Jones
Make receiver an underused Freak

Wide receiver Malik Nabers speaks to the media during New York Giants Rookie Minicamp at Quest Diagnostics Training Center on May 10, 2024 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Sarah Stier/Getty Images)

—————

DIVISIONAL RACES

NFC North
Lions (12-5), Packers (10-7), Bears (10-7), Vikings (6-11)
NFC East
Eagles (12-5), Cowboys (10-7), Commanders (8-9), Giants (3-14)
NFC South
Falcons (8-9), Saints (8-9), Buccaneers (7-10), Panthers (6-11)
NFC West
49ers (12-5), Rams (10-7), Seahawks (9-8), Cardinals (7-10)
AFC East
Dolphins (11-6), Bills (10-7), Jets (9-8), Patriots (2-15)
AFC North
Ravens (14-3), Bengals (13-4), Steelers (7-10), Browns (4-13)
AFC South
Texans (10-7) , Colts (8-9), Jaguars (8-9), Titans (7-10)
AFC West
Chiefs (13-4), Broncos (6-11), Chargers (6-11), Raiders (6-11)

PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS

NFC wild card
49ers over Rams, Lions over Packers, Bears over Falcons
AFC wild card
Chiefs over Jets, Dolphins over Bills, Bengals over Texans,
NFC divisional
Eagles over Bears, Lions over 49ers
AFC divisional
Ravens over Bengals, Chiefs over Dolphins
NFC championship
Lions over Eagles
AFC championship
Ravens over Chiefs
Super Bowl LIX
Ravens over Lions

Head coach John Harbaugh of the Baltimore Ravens celebrates with the VInce Lombardi Championship trophy after the Ravens won 34-31 against the San Francisco 49ers during Super Bowl XLVII at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on Feb. 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

COMING NEXT WEEK

The Loop begins our annual drive for prognostication perfection with the Week 1 Fantasy Football column on Thursday and the Week 1 NFL picks on Sunday.

You can hear Kevin Cusick on Wednesdays on Bob Sansevere’s “BS Show” podcast on iTunes. You can follow Kevin on Twitter — @theloopnow. He can be reached at kcusick@pioneerpress.com.

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