Nobody asked me but…

The Democrat National Convention starts tomorrow in Chicago, and no matter how bad the riots outside are, you can be sure of the two words state-run media will use to describe them: “Mostly peaceful.”

How come food “price gouging” wasn’t a problem when Donald J. Trump was president?

Ditto, high fuel prices, wars around the world, a broken southern border, resulting rampant crime and unaffordable housing.

Speaking of housing, Comrade Kamala Harris on Friday vowed that, if elected, she would build “three million new homes and rentals” in four years.

This is the same woman who presides over a failed administration that got $7.5 billion in 2021 to build 500,000 new EV-charging units across the U.S.

As of May 2024, almost three years later, the Harris-Biden administration had installed exactly 8 of those 500,000 EV-charging units.

Can the Healey administration do anything right?

This week, she went down to Cape Cod for an ice cream and told protesters angry about the green energy disasters and the hordes of illegal-alien criminals on welfare that they were victims of “misinformation.”

Fact: whenever a Democrat says something is “misinformation,” it invariably turns out to be true, usually sooner rather than later.

At age 78, Marty Weinberg is as sharp as ever. And with Karen Read, Weinberg is probably going to win a case, unlike most of those Mob trials of his back in the 20th century.

When it comes down to a primary fight between incumbent eighty-something Governor’s Councilor Marilyn Devaney and Mara Doyle, I guess you know which side I’m on. Go Marilyn.

To paraphrase Randy Newman, well, she may be a fool but she’s our fool/If they think they’re better than her, they’re wrong.

On June 4, Healey nominated a 61-year-old New Bedford hack named Fred DeCubellis to a district-court judgeship. In a statement, Lt. Gov. Kim Driscoll said DeCubellis and a couple of other far-left hacks were “ready and eager to continue their service to Massachusetts.”

Er, apparently not. DeCubellis, after applying for that sweet $207,855-a-year barely part-time hack sinecure, has returned to his $134,390 job as an assistant clerk magistrate in New Bedford.

How do you get cold feet for the easiest, most overpaid job in the world? What the heck happened to Fred “Ready and Eager” DeCubellis? As per usual, the governor’s office did not return a call seeking comment.

When do the local sportswriters make their annual pre-season NFL predictions? I just want to know who the Patsies will be playing in the 2025 Super Bowl, because you know the pom-pom brigade always swoons over the team pre-season, just like every spring they always predict the Red Sox are going to breeze to the World Series.

Separated at birth:

Middlesex DA Marian Ryan and Moe Howard of the Three Stooges.

DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas and Canton selectman Jailbird Chris Albert.

Bust-out prosecutor Adam Lally and actor Rick Moranis.

McAlbert fanboy Grant Smith-Ellis and actor John C. Reilly.

Tim Walz implausibly claimed this week to be a super fan of Bob Seger, has all his albums, etc.

Gov. Walz, does that include Seger’s early knock-off of the 1966 hit “Ballad of the Green Berets.”

Under the pseudonym “Beach Bums,” Seger recorded “Ballad of the Yellow Berets,” which includes these lyrics:

“Fearless cowards of the USA/Bravely here at home they stay/They watch their friends get shipped away/The draft dodgers of the Yellow Beret.

“Yellow streaks up and down their spines/Men who gladly stay behind/They won’t fight for the USA/They fought hard for a yellow beret.”

The Democrats should spin that golden oldie as Walz makes his grand entrance at the convention in Chicago this week.

I drove by a giant electronic billboard Friday night on 128 for Walter Timilty, who’s running against Clerk Bob Jubinville for clerk of courts in Norfolk County.

As huge as the billboard was, there apparently wasn’t room to brag that dim-bulb Timilty has flunked the bar exam six times.

In case they want to correct the billboard, here are the years Timilty failed the bar exam: 1995, 1996 (twice), 1997, 2000 and 2001.

Happiest guy in the world Thursday afternoon when the thunderstorms started: Corrupt Norfolk County DA Michael “Meatball” Morrissey, because the downpours scattered the protesters and the TV crews gathering outside his greedy fundraiser in Quincy, thus assuring that any demonstrations against his scandal-plagued office would be, you guessed it, mostly peaceful.

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Applications for jobs on Comrade Kamala’s campaign include a choice of nine pronouns: He/him, she/her, they/them, xe/xem, ze/hr, ey/em, hir/hir, fae-fer and hu/hu.

Only nine? Thank goodness, Comrade Kamala says you can also check the box for “Custom” pronouns.

My pronouns are “Mostly/Peaceful.”

Pre-order Howie’s new book, “You Understand American?” at howiecarrshow.com.