Q. I am in the process of getting divorced and we have two daughters ages 11 and 14. My wife is an avid social media user. I have always been uncomfortable about her posting our children on public sites. My lawyer says I cannot control this after the divorce.

Also, my wife wants both girls to have iPhones and access to social media so she can “teach them how to post responsibly.”  I have no clue why an 11-year-old needs to be posting anything, nor do I think she should have access to an iPhone. I would like to let our kids be kids for as long as possible. What options do I have?

A. Your best option is to negotiate social media terms into your divorce agreement. If she signs an agreement, it becomes a binding contract and is thus enforceable by a court.

As for the cell phone itself, you could suggest starting with a watch with limited capacity for the younger child so she can contact the two of you and her sister to ease her into responsible device use.  If your wife insists on the phone, you should buy the phone so you can control the parental settings, what apps she can have, how much screen time she can have, etc.  There are programs out there where you can essentially see every message she sends and receives in regular text function. Do not let her get Snapchat or Whatsapp as I don’t think these monitoring programs can access either app.  Give your wife the password so she is able to see things but not administrative rights to change things.  The same thing goes for your 14 year old’s phone use. Try to push out social media use for a few years.

There is not much you can do to restrict your wife posting but try to get her to agree she will only post to private social media accounts.  She can have multiple accounts – some private and some public.  In that way her actual friends and family can see pictures of your children without exposing them to the whole world. If she is reluctant to agree, suggest revisiting the provision after a certain amount of time passes.  Also you should agree on whether you will be signing social media permission forms for schools, sports teams and even the orthodontist, all of whom post pictures of kids on their social media.

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