Q. My husband works for his family’s landscaping business and insists on equal custody claiming significant flexibility and availability for our children. I caved. Just before Christmas both kids had the flu and could not go to school for a week. He had company lunches for clients and holiday events that he “could not miss” and left our youngest with me Monday morning and when the school called at noon because our oldest was sick, they couldn’t reach him and I had to get her. He insisted on picking them up at night, transporting them to his house to sleep and delivered them back to me as if I was the babysitter on Tuesday and Wednesday morning.

This past Monday the children had a snow day and he had to plow. He dropped the children at my door first thing in the morning – still in their pajamas. I am a therapist and was able to shift my patients to Zoom.  However, I still had to work – not easy with a four and six year old begging me to play in the snow.

He insisted he couldn’t find a last minute sitter and he had to work if he was going to pay child support. My lawyer wants me to agree to a permanent 50/50 parenting plan but this is how it is going to go – he will always expect me to step in.

Can I fix this?  I would be happy to go back to more time and taking care of everything but I would also have to be allowed to scale back to working 30 hours a week instead of 40 to manage the kids’ needs.

A. If you have not finalized the divorce – now is the time to speak up or you are right, you will always be his fall-back plan.  The two options are to (1) make yourself unavailable, which is not ideal for your kids or (2) ask for a change in the parenting plan now before it becomes permanent.

It is unusual to go in for second motions for temporary orders while a divorce is pending but if you stipulated to a 50/50 parenting plan which is what it sounds like, you can file a motion to change the parenting plan because the 50/50 trial didn’t work.  Support your motion by an affidavit of the events of the last month and the toll it is taking you, your children, your schedule and your practice.  If possible, don’t request a support change yet so he cannot complain you just want more money.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com