The Boston Police Department is making a list and checking it twice, they’re gonna find out who’s naughty and nice.

In fact they already know, because the list has been filed in court. They had to put it together for the recent civil lawsuit of a cop, Enxhi Qirici, who was fired in 2019 during her probationary period on the job.

Last month a Suffolk County jury awarded the Albanian immigrant $1.5 million, with interest, for enduring a hostile work environment.

The court case had dragged on for years, and one of the stipulations involved a list of other BPD probationary cops who had been “disciplined” (or not) during the same period when Qirici was being run off.

The “Second Stipulation of the Parties” runs eight pages, chronicling the misadventures of nine then-rookie cops.

Since one of Qirici’s main claims was that she was singled out because she was a white woman who was briefly dating a black cop, the court filings include the race and whether any of the cops were in an “interracial relationship.” (None were.)

Meet Mariana Avila, “black Hispanic.”

On May 11 2018, she “entered a crime scene off duty and interfered with officers at an active crime scene… did not identify herself to officers, spoke with a victim who was cooperating with the investigation and after she spoke with the victim, the victim became uncooperative in the investigation.”

But wait, it gets worse.

“Probationary Officer Avila associated with an active gang member. The investigation revealed that the gang member called Officer Avila’s telephone the evening he was shot at. Officer Avila spoke with the gang member while she was not in the performance of her official duties at an active crime scene.

Her discipline after all these years, according to the BPD? “Decision pending.”

You know what they say about the race card. Don’t leave home without it.

Next, Samantha Thompson, “black non-Hispanic.”

On March 20 2023 she “googled how to record on an iPhone. She pressed ‘record’ on her department iPhone and placed the recording phone in a bag to record one of her fellow police officers, who was unaware that she was being recorded….

“Officer Thompson sent the recording from her department-issued iPhone to her personal cell phone and then deleted the recording on her (police phone), indicating she intended to permanently destroy evidence.”

Hmmm. That seems like pretty serious stuff. But nah, she just got a 10-day suspension, with 5 days to serve without pay.

Next, Megan Green, “white non-Hispanic.” Her problem occurred July 7 2020.

“Probationary Officer Green visited her former girlfriend’s residence in police uniform, for a visit not related to a police function, while on duty.”

She got off with an “oral reprimand” in 2021. Gov. Maura Healey could not be reached for comment.

Our next encounter is with Probationary Officer Jake Ryan, who is oddly listed as “White Hispanic.”

In Arizona in February 2023 (probably before that year’s Super Bowl), Officer Ryan ingested a bad ice cube or two.

“While exploring the local bars, his behavior, bumping into people, drew the attention of the staff members of the establishment who forcefully removed him from the bar. Officer Ryan was intoxicated and his actions for the evening led to his arrest…

“While being placed under arrest, he identified himself as a Boston Police Officer. His statements were captured on the responding officer’s body-worn camera.”

I wonder where Ryan learned to pull the old “Do-you-know-who-I-am?” card. It’s almost as if he had some kinsman in the BPD who’s a higher-ranking officer, say a lieutenant. Oh, never mind.

“During the investigation, it was determined that the image of Officer Ryan, representing himself as a Boston Police Officer while in handcuffs, and the criminal charged launched against him reflects negatively on the organization.”

But hey, the charges were dropped. Aren’t they always? He got a “last chance agreement” with a 10-day suspension with five to serve, otherwise known as a wrist slap. Thanks Dad!

Then there’s Probationary Officer Jean-Michel Jean, “black.”

In early 2019, he “would take phone calls and wear his Bluetooth headset, while backing up other officers. Also Officer Jean used his lights and sirens to get through an intersection against the red light while the office was not responding to an emergency call.”

Discipline: “Retraining.”

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Do you begin to detect a pattern here? Namely, how it’s almost impossible to get fired from the BPD, no matter how atrociously you behave.

Just recently, a female Boston cop was promoted to sergeant, three years after admitting to stealing cash from a lost wallet at the casino in Everett while she was off duty. Her larceny was recorded on surveillance cameras. Beyond a reasonable doubt, in other words.

That cop got a 90-day suspension, and now she’s being promoted. I wonder what card she played.

Of the nine probationary officers listed in this court document, the only one who was really punished was Probationary Officer Harry Scales, “black.” In 2018, he “submitted his annual drug test and tested positive for cocaine… Terminated March 28 2019.”

Damn! Coke’s against the law, I get it. But if I were Scales, I’d be wondering why I’m the only bent badge who got fired.

Can somebody say, “Disparate treatment?”

If you’d like to read more of these BPD misadventures, I’ll post the entire eight pages (including a report about one other officer I’ve written about earlier) on my own website Monday.

One last thing: If I ever get jammed up, I demand no special treatment. I ask only to be treated like a probationary BPD officer. At least any of them not named Harry Scales.

Order Howie’s new book, “Mass Corruption: Vol. 1, The Cops,” at amazon.com or howiecarrshow.com/store.