Battenfeld: Sketchy $100K scheme to raise revenue could be latest Boston boondoggle

It has all the makings of the latest city of Boston boondoggle – a sketchy scheme to raise revenue by selling official merchandise like hats, hoodies and water bottles emblazoned with the city seal and brand to gullible tourists and residents.

Who in their right mind is clamoring for official Boston merch besides the illustrious City Council and maybe Mayor Michelle Wu, who could benefit politically from the program?

No one really, but that hasn’t stopped the city from proceeding with a $100,000 taxpayer-funded pilot venture approved by the free-spending council.

“When you fall in love with a city, you want to wear it on your chest, you want to put it on a hoodie, a cap, and carry it on your water bottle,” Councilor Sharon Durkan told the Boston Globe in a positive puff piece.

The program is timed to start with next year’s 250th anniversary of Paul Revere’s famous ride, which could be a good starting point for selling t-shirts with a “Boston 250” logo.

Ellen Foord, Boston’s chief creative officer, said the city has gotten Boston University students to workshop ideas and marketing plans for the program.

First of all, Boston has a “chief creative officer?” Secondly, let’s hope the students don’t come up with party ideas or drinking logos for the city.

The city will then decide which iconic names or symbols the city wants to trademark, such as the blue letter “B” and the city seal or maybe a drawing of ghastly Boston City Hall.

The city has lofty goals of making tens of millions in added revenue from the branding program, which is highly unrealistic given that a few other cities have tried this without much success, except iconic New York City.

The problem is that in order to make real money, the city would need to get trademarks and licensing rights to the city seal and other official logos and spend millions of dollars in legal fees to block counterfeit merch.

Although it’s a city council idea first proposed by Councilor and Wu supporter Sharon Durkan, don’t be surprised if Wu tries to hijack it to put her smiling face and name on the venture, and attack President Trump. It’s also a chance to give printing or merchandising deals to politically connected or unionized business supporters.

She could also try to trademark some of her favorite quotes about Boston.

“Boston: the safest major city in the country” would be one she undoubtedly would try to license.

Or: “Boston Will Never Back Down.”

Another of her chestnuts: “In Boston, We Don’t Listen to Kings.”

And maybe even for 2028, “Wu for President.”

But how about some alternative merch that will be even hotter sellers? Sayings and slogans not necessarily approved by the Wu administration.

Such as:

“Have a Blast at Mass and Cass!”

“Bike Lane Insane.”

“America’s Safest City…HaHa.”

“Most of our City Council hasn’t been Indicted”

“Boston: We’re not so Krafty.”

‘We Throw a Great Holiday Party and You’re Not Invited!”

“Boston: It’s Trump’s Fault.”

“I Heart Wutopia.”

“I’m from Boston, how about Wu?”

“Boston: Love it or Leave it, or just leave it.”

“One if by Land, Two if by ICE.”

“I Shoplifted this T-Shirt in Downtown Crossing.”

“Wake Up and Smell the Cannabis.”

“Boston: If Only We Could Tax the Rats.”

Now, those might be a real cash cow.

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