Q. My ex-wife has sole legal custody of our kids. She feels the need to control everything and everyone. I do believe she makes decisions which are in our children’s best interests and is attentive to their medical needs so on our last go around, I conceded legal custody in an attempt to make peace.

I am now seeing the poor trickle-down impact this is having on our children. I took our 10-year-old son to a birthday party recently. I had to sign a waiver for him to participate in the festivities.  My son saw what I was doing and became panicked that I was “not allowed” to fill out the form and he suggested calling his mother to come do it. I told him to relax, it was fine, it was just a silly waiver. He said he was going to have to tell her.

Last night he called me crying saying he overheard his mother talking on the phone asking if I can be put in jail for violating the legal custody order. He was angry at me for not allowing him to call her to make the decision about the waiver. Can I really be put in jail for something like this?

A. When a parent has sole legal custody, it is for the purpose of making the big decisions alone because the two of you are unable to communicate and reach a mutual agreement. Big decisions are things like health, education and welfare issues such as whether your children should have orthodontia, take a certain medication, see a therapist or enroll in a different school. Signing a waiver to attend a birthday party does not rise to that level.

That being said, given what you have said about your ex and her need for control, she may find a lawyer willing to file a complaint for contempt alleging that you violated the sole legal custody provision. I do not think a judge would give the birthday party waiver any real consideration and for sure you would not be sent to jail.

Frankly, at this point you should consider whether her continuing to have sole legal custody is in your children’s best interests. Your son knows far more about the divorce and the terms of the divorce agreement than a 10-year-old should.  Clearly he is afraid of the recourse if his mother is unable to exert control over everything including a birthday party waiver.  It may be time to modify that provision, so your children are no longer so stressed by such a benign matter.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com