Dementia Joe Biden was late for his own funeral.

Your average Mob boss gets more respect when he gets whacked, after which his body is stuffed in the trunk of a rented car and left in the long-term parking lot at Logan Airport.

Now you know why LBJ was a no-show at the 1968 convention after he got the bum’s rush out of the White House. He didn’t want to endure the crocodile tears of the phony-baloneys who’d stabbed him in the back.

They dumped Joe as the closing act on Losers’ Night at the Democrat national convention, then ran the clock out so that nobody in the east could see him in prime time.

George Santos got treated with more deference than Joe did Monday, and Santos was pleading guilty to wire fraud and aggravated identity theft.

Biden had to wait in the wings and watch a string of has-beens and never-weres — the likes of AOC, Hillary Clinton, a Groucho Marx look-alike Congressman from Maryland, two childhood friends of Kamala and the Secretary of Commerce.

All got their seven minutes of… whatever.

Hillary even took time to whine yet again about the “story of my life.” Hillary apparently didn’t get the old Hollywood memo: “Self- pity is not good box office.”

Nancy Pelosi got a cutaway, holding up a sign that said, “We Love You Joe.” This, after she shrugged as she told reporters, “I did what I had to do.”

Again, it was like a Mob funeral. The guys who rubbed you out send a big floral display with the simple message, “We’re Sorry It Had to Come to This.”

Brandan began his prevaricating peroration at 11:26 – “Past His Bedtime,” as the front page of the New York Post noted. Way past.

What an imposition that last-call was on the president. On his favorite channel, MeTV, Joe missed not only Carol Burnett (special guests Imogene Coca and Robert Goulet!) but also a Perry Mason rerun from 1961.

When it finally started, the speech was like a Greatest Hits album from a band you never really liked to begin with, and which only had one hit anyway.

It was only appropriate that Biden would fumble some numbers. It’s his m.o..

He is, after all, the guy who told us it would cost “60 zillion dollars” to rebuild the collapsed bridge in Baltimore. You know, the bridge he said he went over every day on the Amtrak train from Delaware to Union Station, even though there weren’t any rail tracks on the span.

Monday night, Biden was denouncing, yet again, these damn billionaires.

“You know we have a thousand trillion bill- bill- thousand billionaires in America!”

That’s a lot, Dementia Joe. May we quote you on that, one final time?

Then there was Roe v. Wade, and its overturning by the Supreme Court. Joe took it upon himself to speak for all women everywhere about the issue of abortion.

“Women are not without electrical were not not allowed not with electrical electoral….”

Remember, it was less than two months that he said he would never quit, that anyone who wanted to take him out could battle it out with him on the convention floor.

His wife (who got an even briefer cameo than Rep. Groucho Marx Raskin) was on the cover of the July issue of Vogue with a caption that has not aged well.

“We will decide our future.”

Apparently not.

It was a historic night. At conventions, they always are. Gov. Kathy Hochul, the accidental governor of New York, even rewrote history on the historic night:

“Are you ready,” she asked, “to elect Kamala Harris the first president – president of the United States. Yes, you are!”

Are you sure about that, Governor?

It’s not that running out the clock on Biden didn’t have its positive side, namely, that James Taylor’s performance was scrubbed.

If Taylor had been allowed to perform, I would assume he would have closed with something from Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks, a fitting farewell to Joe Biden from his party:

“How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?”

But the consolation-night highlights were few and far between. As befits a farewell tour, Joe did a medley of his greatest, well, lies. The Charlottesville lie, the suckers and losers lie, claiming that he and Kamala got the schools reopened after The Panic (he didn’t), bragging that they’ve installed 500,000 new EV chargers (actually, 8).

He said Kamala would make the child-care tax credits permanent. (She voted against them in 2017 because… Trump.)

He ad-libbed, “Those protesters in street. They’ve got a point.”

You know, the protesters who were chanting how they want to “bring the war back home.”

What a flashback to the ’68 convention! And we know how that election turned out.

In 1968, the Yippies said they were going to dump LSD into the Chicago water supply and send everyone at the DNC on a bad acid trip. Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin are long gone, but after the first night, it seems their dream has finally come true.

It’s a big bummer in Chicago.

(Pre-order Howie’s new book, “You Understand American?” at howiecarrshow.com.)

Rep. Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., holds a sign as President Joe Biden speaks during the Democratic National Convention Monday, Aug. 19, 2024, in Chicago. (AP Photo/Paul Sancya)