Q. My wife and I got married two years ago because she was pregnant.  She moved into my house, quit her job but enrolled our son in daycare for “socialization,” convinced me to lease her a luxury SUV, and has run up $30,000 in credit card debt on accounts she opened in our joint names without my knowledge.  I learned about the debt while she was visiting her parents with our son – the same week she had me served with divorce papers asking for sole custody, my house and alimony.  Is there a way to protect my relationship with my son, and also protect credit and my assets?

I suspect the divorce was initiated because I’ve been telling her I cannot afford her spending and daycare and she needs to go back to work.

A. First, do not engage in any arguments with her.  If she tries to engage with you, back out of the room with your hands in your pockets – lock yourself in a bathroom if necessary.  Carry your charged cell phone with you at all times in case you need to call for help.  Do your best to limit your interactions and keep a journal of all negative interactions you have with date/time and descriptions in case she makes claims you find yourself having to refute.

Hire a lawyer and work on agreeing to a parenting plan detailing who is in charge of your son what days during the process. The on-duty parent will be responsible for everything from making meals to daycare transportation to baths to bedtime on their days.  During weekends try to get an agreement that the parent not on duty will spend the weekend out of the home to make it easier for your son.  Make the parenting plan a temporary court order.

Continue to pay the bills in your name to keep your credit in good standing.  Pull your credit report to find out if there are any other accounts in your name about which you had no knowledge. Then go about cancelling them all and put a freeze on your credit so that nothing new can be opened without your permission.  If her debt shows up on your credit report, make the minimum monthly payments and ask the companies to remove your name from the accounts explaining you did not authorize them.  Ask the judge to assign this debt to her.

Finally, ask your lawyer to file a motion to require your wife to get a job.  The judge does have the power to either attribute income to her or order her to get a job.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com