Does this look someone who would go bat-bleep crazy and suddenly start shoving the female manager of a nice Cape Cod bar while screaming unhinged obscenities at her and her young waitresses on a balmy summer Saturday night?

Does this look like a woman who would hysterically yell “Old hag!” and the c-word at a fiftysomething woman, then start weeping hysterically and repeating herself while blaming all her problems on somebody called “Turtle Boy.”

Meet Jill Daniels of, where else, Canton.

She is one of the “McAlberts” of Karen Read trial fame. Jillian A. Daniels is the sister-in-law of Jailbird Chris Albert.

Jailbird Chris is the brother of the former Boston police officer on whose lawn the body of yet another Boston police officer, John O’Keefe, was found under mysterious circumstances in January 2022.

This photo of Jill was taken in June, on a Sunday night, in Canton, after which multiple police cruisers arrived. That evening, Jill was screaming at Aidan Kearney, a/k/a Turtle Boy, whose cell phone she grabbed as he was minding his own business.

History repeated itself on July 20th in Falmouth, when the 43-year-old harridan and her 60-year-old boyfriend arrived at the Shipwrecked bar/restaurant in Falmouth.

Her insane rant in Canton had been recorded and seen by nearly everyone in Massachusetts. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that the 43-year-old Daniels and her 60-year-old boyfriend Nick Marathas would be recognized when they strolled into Shipwrecked after a visit to Martha’s Vineyard.

Say, wasn’t there a cop on Martha’s Vineyard a few years back named Jason Marathas who got a little jammed up – oh never mind.

All that follows is from the Falmouth Police Department’s incident report. No arrests, no property damage, but it still took them 11 days to come up with the narrative. It was worth the wait, as it turns out.

Let us begin with Detective Ronald Carpenter’s interview with Nick Marathas as to how the affray began.

“An unknown male immediately screams out in a provocative manner, ‘Jill Daniels is in the house!’ The unknown male and members of his party also called Daniels ‘white trash!’”

To which Marathas responded, in true Canton fashion, “What’s your bleeping problem?”

But the wrinkly Marathas was totally in control compared to his much-younger girlfriend, who in fact looks more like his mother, or maybe his grandmother.

The names of the victims are all redacted in the report, but the next account seems to come from the restaurant’s manager. She had been trying to shoo the white trash out of her nice restaurant when Jill Daniels gave her the Canton salute:

“She was shouting and being very animated by pumping her fist and pacing… She could not seem to get control of herself… I heard her say something like ‘I bet you’re for Karen Read’ to me. She then shoved me with both hands on my back from behind.”

A sucker punch! How Canton is it?

Nick got between the victim and his shrew, but by then Jill had gone full Canton on the poor woman.

“We made it outside. She stood on the ramp screaming at me. Saying things like ‘old hag’ and ‘c***.’ Some co-workers were there to support and she screamed similar things to them.”

Nick, by the way, is described by the help at the Shipwrecked as a “regular.” Of course he is! He’s from Canton. He and all the rest of the McAlberts are regulars at every bar, everywhere.

There’s a joke in Canton. How come none of the McAlberts are lawyers?

Because they couldn’t pass the bar and there’s one on the way home.

Nick tried to explain the Karen Read problem to the manager.

“He told me, ‘You don’t know the whole story.’”

After being tossed from the bar, the McAlberts fled next door to The Heights Hotel, where Officer David McGraw found them sitting dejectedly on the stairs. Jill Daniels was weeping buckets – “visibly upset with tears in her eyes.”

“I asked her what had happened and she stated to me that there was a group of people who were targeting her, calling her names and taking pictures of her.”

Why would they be doing that? Officer McGraw inquired.

“She stated to me that it was ‘all about Turtle Boy’ and ‘the fact that I am from Canton.’ Daniels then stated to me that they were targeting her because of the ‘Karen Read trial.’ Daniels repeated herself several times and continually broke down in tears.”

It would take a heart of stone not to laugh. What goes around, comes around.

“While Daniels was continually repeating herself Marathas was sitting next to her and telling her to stop.”

You know what really fries Jill’s nose, as Mumbles Menino would say. The fact that if they were back in Canton, or anywhere in Norfolk County for that matter, the McAlberts would just call their own crooked cops and have those damn civilians arrested. How dare they?

How’d they like to be charged with second-degree murder? And even when the jury found ‘em not guilty, they’d still be retried. Double jeopardy? We don’t have no stinkin’ Fifth Amendment prohibitions against double jeopardy in Norfolk County!

There’s an old line from Rudyard Kipling that seems appropriate here:

“There comes a night/ When the best get tight.”

The best? In Canton, there comes a night when everybody gets tight. It’s called every night of the year.

You know, that same Saturday night those four Falmouth cruisers had to be called to the Shipwrecked to quell another McAlbert barroom brawl, I was dining in the North End, at Vinoteca di Monica on Richmond Street.

One of Karen Read’s lawyers strolled in – David Yannetti. We shook hands, exchanged pleasantries, and then went our separate ways. No shoves, no obscenities… in other words, no Canton.

There’s another old saying in Canton.

No McAlberts, no problems.

(Order Howie’s new book, “Paper Boy: Read All About It!” at amazon.com or howiecarrshow.com.)

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Jillian A. Daniels lets loose. (Courtesy of Aidan Kearney)