Afton native Jessie Diggins possess a trait that’s undeniably her superpower: Her ability to suffer.

It might be the biggest reason she has established herself among the best cross country skiers in the world.

It doesn’t matter if Diggins is completely devoid of energy in the home stretch of a race. She can find a way to get her body to run on empty. She regularly collapses as she crosses the finish line because she literally doesn’t have anything left in the tank.

That has served Diggins well this season in particular. She returned to her home state of Minnesota for the highly anticipated Loppet Cup in Minneapolis this weekend leading the World Cup standings by 260 points. Though the results would suggest this has been arguably her most successful stretch to date, Diggins has a different way of defining success at this point in her career.

It comes in the form of a simple question.

“Am I taking care of myself?” she said. “It’s not worth winning if the cost is too high.”

It’s a balancing act Diggins, 32, publicly confronted this summer when she revealed in an Instagram post that she had experienced a relapse with her eating disorder. She became the face of the sport overnight after winning a gold medal at the 2018 Winter Olympics, and as a result, she started to feel like she had to be perfect in everything she did leading up to 2022 Winter Olympics.

She finally reached her breaking point and decided to ask for help.

“It makes me feel really vulnerable putting myself out there because everyone knows something really big about me,” Diggins said a few months ago. “I’m trying to change the culture of sport for the better so that we can change the way we talk about and address mental health.”

In a promise to herself, Diggins vowed to prioritize her mental health this season, opting not to set any goals other than trying her best to be happy and healthy each time she stepped to the start line. She was willing to skip some things along the way if that’s what she needed to do.

That perspective seems to have unlocked something special in her. She’s already stood atop the podium a handful of times this season in addition to winning the overall title in the Tour de Ski. She enters the races in at Theodore Wirth Park in Minneapolis this weekend fresh off a win in Canmore, Alberta, last weekend.

“I’m really happy to say that I feel like I’m doing the work that needs to be done behind the scenes so that I can feel good about being on the start line,” she said. “I think maybe that’s why I’m racing fast, because I’m really happy to be there and I’m not taking anything for granted.”

It’s not so much that Diggins doesn’t care about the results. It’s that she no longer feels defined by them. She now equates winning with stepping to the start line rather than crossing the finish line.

“Sometimes it’s easy to feel a lot of pressure to perform and that can kind of dull the joy of it,” Diggins said. “Now, that’s not to say I don’t feel any pressure. I will always feel pressure every time I race from now until I retire. I’m seeing it with a different lens, however, and that’s really helped me really enjoy the process.”

Maybe it’s not a coincidence that Diggins has been able access her superpower better than ever before.

“My theory is that humans can only endure so much suffering,” she said. “You only have the capacity to suffer so much. How can I push my body that hard physically if I’m in a tough place mentally? You’ve already taken up some capacity for suffering.”

That’s why Diggins believes she’s at her best when she’s truly enjoying herself.

“I have way more capacity to suffer in the race because everything else in my life is going well,” Diggins said. “It really isn’t that big of a deal to be in a little bit of pain.”

It’s important to remember that the journey with mental health is not linear. Just because Diggins is seemingly thriving right now doesn’t guarantee she will be thriving down the road. She has remained vigilant about how she’s feeling on a daily basis and is hoping she can inspire others to do the same.

“I’m in a position where I can help answer questions, and that’s really important and special for me to be an open book and share,” she said. “If anybody asks me anything, I’m going to give them a vulnerable answer and share with them what I’ve learned.”

Too often in sports the grind is romanticized in a way that places currency on suffering. Though she has made suffering on the course a calling card throughout her career, Diggins doesn’t want people to feel like that feeling has to carry over off the course. She wants people know it’s OK to not be OK.

“I’ve been really open and honest about my mental health,” she said. “Sometimes leading by example and not sacrificing everything that I am for a sport is something that people need to see. I hope that by taking care of myself, it gives other people permission to do what they need to take care of themselves. Instead of only seeing an athlete who succeeds because they’re sacrificing, sacrificing, sacrificing, I think it’s important to see the other side.”

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